Patty and Wayne's Story

What can I tell you about our journey that may help you on yours? Looking at our beautiful little girl, Rebecca, I think about how she has healed my heart. Is it selfish to want a child created from my husband and me? She represents our love and commitment to each other. In the four months she has been with us she had filled our lives in ways we could have only guessed at before.

Our journey was a long one. It was a mistake I would counsel others to avoid.The advice we received from my Ob-Gyn was relax, it will happen. I know that this probably came because all of our tests were normal and I had even been pregnant once even if it had unfortunately ended in miscarriage. The delay to see a Specialist doesn’t just rest on my Ob-Gyn’s shoulders – I too was in denial. Hard work in school and at work had rewarded me in many ways – this shouldn’t be any different. 

When a year after my miscarriage we still hadn’t conceived I analyzed every aspect of life. Diet, exercise and work were all analyzed to find ways to correct and improve them. My career was a high stress one, so I was certain if I fixed that we would be fine. If I could find an external reason, then I wouldn’t have to deal with the possibility that there was something wrong with me. When everything that could be fixed was and we still had not conceived I finally had to deal with the emotional issue of infertility; of thinking that I had somehow failed. This emotional issue was very difficult. It was insidious – affecting my husband, myself and even my family. I was so wrapped up in my own pain over the issue that I was taken by surprise when my mother expressed concern that something she did could have caused my infertility. It was the wakeup call I needed to start addressing the very sensitive issue right way.

If you have a perfectionist personality like I do, you will need to do some work on accepting that your fertility is not something you can make perfect. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help to deal with this issue properly. It is important that you move beyond the human emotion of laying blame. This can destroy your marriage and your relationship with your family. I was fortunate in life to be born into a loving family that discussed everything. So I had been taught the skills to work on emotional issues.  Once recognized it was time to begin the work. The “fix” didn’t happen in one conversation, but with time and work it did happen. My marriage was strengthened and so was the relationship with my family.

The In Vitro process isn’t an easy one. The support of your loved ones as well as the compassion and caring of your In Vitro doctor and staff can make it easier. For me, the process was easier if I understood the details of the medical process. Dr. Debrah Minjarez, who was my doctor within the CCRM practice, is a brilliant and compassionate person. She was able to simplify the complex and always recognized the sensitive nature of the fertility issue. Having confidence that your doctor is doing everything possible for your successful conception is very important and I had that with Dr. Minjarez.

As my daughter begins to stir from her nap, I would mention that the physical and emotional challenges are worth the effort. Accept humor where you can find it. My mother and I have a shared joke about my daughter. Shortly after my daughter was born, my mother made the rather humorous observation that she will be able to tell Rebecca that she was there not only for her birth but also for her conception. A special moment that only In Vitro can provide!

Patty and Wayne